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Bet you at least smile. The world will be better without this guy anyway.This 55-year-old Alabama Trumper died of ‘a medical emergency’ while attacking the Capitol on Wednesday Jan. 6th. What happened? He tasered himself in the balls. The taser he stuffed into his pants accidentally discharged into his groin while he was trying to steal a portrait of Tipper Gore, causing him to suffer a fatal heart attack. Heck of an obituary. 2 weeks ago, he was acting tough on social media ... my vote for this year’s Darwin Award!✧ ✧ ✧GOOGLE Pizza (phone order conversation)Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?No sir – it’s Google Pizza.I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.OK. I would like to order a pizza.Do you want your usual, sir?My usual – you know me?According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage – pepperoni – mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.OK – that’s what. Smack! Smack, SMACK! You got three good ones in before I even had time to react.“FUCK!” I cried out when my brain finally got the message. My ass cheeks were on fire and my insides were killing me.“There. You should thank me it wasn’t worse, because I know you’re already in pain.”I just started crying again. Then you spanked me again. Smack!I cried out in pain. “What was that for? Why are you being so mean? I thought you would help!”“I am. But you didn’t listen to me.”“What?! What are you talking about?“I said you should thank me for not being worse.”‘Oh shit. Thats how this is gonna be?’ I thought.“Thank you for not being worse.”“What did you forget?”‘I don’t fucking know. Wait, what do I call her?’“Thank you mistress.”“Good girl. Now get on your hands and knees in the tub.”I did as told, as you fiddled with the water behind me. The next thing I know is I’m getting sprayed by the shower. Then your hands all on my ass. Rubbing the water in and lightly massaging my muscles.“You know..
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